new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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