if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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