what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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