He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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