i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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