So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
