my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
