she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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