Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
