I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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