my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
