I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
