I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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