Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
