Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
