Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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