NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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