I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
