Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
