just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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