So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
