Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
