there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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