So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
