nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
