You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
