sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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