I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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