I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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