No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
