Got a toothbrush?
we have officially lost it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
