I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
