so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
zippers are such a cool invention
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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