she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
