Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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