there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
