she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
