what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
