I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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