one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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