dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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