Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
