yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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