belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
