After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
