i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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