I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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