I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
