I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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