You can't special order awesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
