My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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