The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
