I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
