So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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