She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
