just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
