You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
