remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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