I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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