It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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