Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
