It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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