last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
