In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
