dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
