at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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