forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize