And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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