I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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