If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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