We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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