considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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