to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
